Just go, C!
I'm Charity, a proud auntie, wine lover, semi-nerd, and dreamer who can't stay in one place for too long.
Two years. Wow.
Two years ago today, I landed in Auckland, having zero idea of what life had in store for me, but knowing somehow that whatever was about to happen was going to be unforgettable. And, it has been exactly that, and so much more. I still remember how I felt in the days leading up to my departure from the U.S. Sometimes, it feels like that moment in my life happened mere days ago. And sometimes, it feels like years, a lot more than two years, at that. So, now what? I've been asking myself this question a LOT lately and I've come to some conclusions. I've made it pretty clear in my previous posts that my lifestyle comes with trade-offs. I would never change any decisions I've made up to this point, but it's becoming very clear that I've neglected someone very important during these past couple of years: Me. I realize that might sound silly, since this whole traveling thing has been all about me, right? Well yeah, it kinda has been, and I acknowledge that there is something selfish about leaving everything and everyone behind to try to create more value in MY life. That being said, there have been some sacrifices made at the cost of my health and mental well-being. Traveling and living abroad can be a LOT of fun, but it can also be very lonely and isolating. I often felt lonely at home, too, so that part hasn't changed a whole lot, but I think being away from home really puts the loneliness in focus and in zoom mode. Yes, I have met a lot of people, and I stay in contact with several of them, which is amazing and wonderful, absolutely. But, I don't get to see them every day. I don't have "real" relationships with them because it's not possible, for me, at least, to develop and foster healthy relationships with people that I see for a hot minute. I often refer to myself as an "extroverted introvert" because while I love being around people, I crave my personal time, too. The problem is, I have a LOT of alone time and very little "people" time and it's making me sad. When I feel lonely and anxious, I make unhealthy choices. My physical health has all but gone by the wayside. I've gone through phases of trying to eat better and drink less and be more active, but those periods of time are short-lived because once the depression kicks in, it's all down the toilet. I believe my body needs some stability and security. Before I left home, I was active regularly, even during the latter months when I was really depressed, I still went to the gym every week. It's much, MUCH easier to make better healthy eating choices when I can prep my meals and cook everything myself, and have access to all kinds of healthy foods and ingredients that often aren't found elsewhere, at least not in the developing countries where I've been spending most of my time. I need that routine back in my life. I'm not saying that I'm going to come back home and go back to the same life I had before I left. I don't think that's even possible for me at this point. I've been gone too long and seen/done too much to be able to fit back into that mold. But, I need to find the balance. I don't know what that balance looks like exactly, but I'm fairly certain that it will involve more time with my family and friends, in places where I feel that I belong and know people who will fill my heart and soul with the social experiences and love that I so badly need right now. It's not easy for me to admit that I'm struggling, but admitting it is the first step necessary to getting what I need. I'm definitely not done traveling. It's in my blood and I don't think I could ever spend too much time in one place ever again. But, I'm not going to be a happy and healthy traveler if I keep going the way I've been going. I've lost some of my passion and some of the excitement I had when I was a newbie. I'm ready to focus on being healthy and loving myself. I learned during my ayahuasca experience what it really feels like to love and be loved, unconditionally. I've been craving that ever since. And I know that first and foremost, that kind of love has to start with me, toward myself. Or, I'll never get it anywhere (or with anyone) else. I'll keep everyone posted on my journey toward balance! Thank you so, so much for your support and for reading my blogs. Celebrating two years of selfies:
10 Comments
thejason
11/25/2018 01:46:57 am
Wow! Interesting post! I'm excited to see where you land next! Reach out if you ever want to bounce ideas off me or need somebody to talk to!
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Charity
11/25/2018 09:29:37 am
Thank you so much, Jason - I still need to talk to you about your TravCon experience, actually!
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MIRANDA P MCQUILLAN
11/25/2018 03:37:01 am
Oh I just love you and worship you and I'm so glad to know you'll be back close to us! We miss you terribly, and I'm so proud of all the things that you've done! Eventually you realize that you're the only person that you truly have, and owning your truths set you free! No one else can live in your skin, so you have to do what you would do, not what anyone else thinks or want you to do! This decision is your decision, you know what you have seen, done, how you feel..come home, sis!! :)
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Charity
11/25/2018 09:32:07 am
You're 100% right on all counts. I have proven what I needed to prove to myself by doing this traveling bit. I feel just as sure about this as I did about taking the leap two years ago. It's time. I love you and am so grateful for the copious amounts of support you've given me for years now!
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Jeff Conrad
11/25/2018 09:01:58 am
Much love! You're an inspiration, keep digging deep in your heart. It will show you the way.
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Charity
11/25/2018 09:32:44 am
So true, my brother. Thank you so much.
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Nita mchugh
11/25/2018 05:28:53 pm
Hi Charity,
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Charity
11/26/2018 07:36:37 am
Nita, thank you for taking time to comment!! I hope you are feeling better these days and are finding a sense of peace. I appreciate your kind words and I also believe that you have a beautiful heart and soul. I miss your smiling face!
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Kathi
5/15/2020 08:15:25 pm
Hi,
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Charity
5/16/2020 12:52:12 pm
Kathi, thank you so much for reading the blog and for your kind words! We are always on a journey and each of ours is unique in their own special ways. I'm familiar with Thich Nhat Hahn and his wisdom. I've never considered staying in a monastery but it sounds like it would be a life-changing experience. Vietnam is a very special country and I hope you will one day have the chance to visit! I'd love to return someday.
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AuthorHi! I'm Charity. I'm from Omaha, Nebraska, USA. I quit my job in October 2016 to travel the world. Archives
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