Just go, C!
I'm Charity, a proud auntie, wine lover, semi-nerd, and dreamer who can't stay in one place for too long.
Well, the time has come to say adieu to 2016 and usher in a new year that many people I know are more than excited to see.
I haven't made New Year's resolutions for many years. For me, it's more a time of reflection and hope that bigger and better things will happen for me. I've had some pretty stellar New Year's celebrations in my past. However, ringing in 2016 was not a very celebratory time for me. Around this time last year, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS after a few unproductive visits to doctors over the years who shrugged off my symptoms as merely hereditary and told me nothing could really be done about it. This was a relief, actually - I finally had something to work with and felt like I could at least manage it. I made changes to my diet and saw the results fairly quickly. Unfortunately, I also took the advice of the doctor to begin medications which would take several months before I could see any positive effects. Those several months were very tough for me. I was struggling at work - I found it difficult to motivate myself to work hard and do what I needed to do to be successful. I was losing clients and not getting enough referrals to fill the defecit. I'd go home from work at night and just plant myself in front of the TV, usually drinking and often making poor eating choices. It was a vicious cycle. I'd have "good" weeks and "bad" weeks and then the good weeks turned into a good day here and there and the rest were miserable. I was depressed. The final straw came in August when I started to have some pretty dark thoughts about myself and contemplated doing something terrible to end it all. I recall very vividly that I was on my way to Walgreens to pick up the prescription refill and something inside me told me that that was the last thing in the world that I should be doing. I called the doctor's office where my more recent doctor practiced and spoke with a nurse who was there on a Sunday. I was crying uncontrollably and told her what I was thinking about doing to myself. She agreed, of course, that I needed to stop taking the medication right away. I'll never forget the kindness in her voice. She listened to my sobbing and genuinely cared. She was the light in a very dark moment for me. I think in that moment, something else shifted within me. I was finally realizing that what I was doing wasn't making me happy and something had to change. There had to be something else in this life that would ignite something within me - passion, joy, anything. My mood improved dramatically a few weeks after I quit the medication (imagine that) and I started asking myself what I really wanted for myself and for my life. My wonderful friends Jennie and Shari were instrumental in this contemplative phase. Jennie asked me what I would do if money weren't an object. Without any thought or hesitation, I responded, "I would travel." She replied, "So why don't you?" Wowie, who knew that such a simple question would be the snowflake that started the avalanche. Sure, I could have just stayed at the same job and funded an occasional trip, but I knew better, and so did my friends - I needed to do something BIG. After a few weeks of crunching numbers, weighing all the pros and cons, and running the idea past some very important people in my life, I made what could possibly be the most terrifying and important decision I will ever make in my life. A few months later, I am definitely glad I made the decision to travel. I am certainly being confronted with all of my insecurities. Most of the backpackers I've encountered in New Zealand are younger and thinner (ha), and I am having a difficult time letting my shield down to approach people and make new friends. It's been quite uncomfortable, really, but that was the point, wasn't it? If I'm uncomfortable, it means I'm growing. I'm becoming someone new. And that, to me, is what a new year is all about. So, on to 2017 we go. I will be leaving for Australia starting next week and will be staying there until late February. From there, I'll be going to Thailand. I've enrolled in a TESOL/TEFL course in Hua Hin which will allow me to teach English to children in Thailand. I'll likely stay there for a year or so. It'll be good to build some of my financial reserves back up so I can do more of what my heart and soul craves. And, it'll hopefully be a gateway opportunity to travel within Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Malaysia, etc. I want to thank everyone who has been reading this blog, following me on social media, texting me to say hi and check in - all of that good stuff has kept me going when I've questioned whether or not I've done the right thing. I'm very excited about what's ahead, and I hope and wish for all of you that you'll find your light and your joy, or at the very least take steps to get closer to it. Happy New Year! With love, A much happier C.
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Wow, what a crazy couple of weeks it's been! My friend Melody flew in from Nashville just over a week ago, and since she's arrived, we've been on the go most of the past several days. We've seen the Marlborough Sounds, part of Abel Tasman National Park, the Franz Josef Glacier, Mount Aspiring National Park, and plenty of other amazing sites along the way. I am proud to announce that I am now able to drive on the wrong... I mean, LEFT... side of the road. Holy shit, you guys. I didn't think I was ever going to muster up the courage to rent a car and go for it, but I'm really glad we did. It was so nice to be able to drive along the INCREDIBLE western coast of New Zealand in a car. Not everything has gone smoothly, however. We had - well, really, *I* had - an incident with the rental car on the first day. Some of you who know me well know that I seem to have a track record of sorts with rental cars. Random snafus and an occasional dent that you hope the dealer never notices, that sort of thing. Well, this was a bit more of a bugger. Mel and I were driving back to Motueka from Abel Tasman just to grab some random food items and coughbeercough that we could bring back to camp with us. If you ever drive in New Zealand, you will see signs everywhere that say something like, "The roads here in New Zealand are different. Take your time." And they are not kidding. As we were driving out of the park on very narrow and winding roads (Mel likened it to Mario Cart), I must have either hugged a curve a little too tightly or hit a pothole (since I had no perception whatsoever of the left side of the vehicle since I'm DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE), and we hear/feel a big BOOM!! on that side. Probably hit a rock or something. It didn't seem to be all that bad but then the car started to wobble and eventually we had a flat. We pulled in to a gas station slash car repair shop which happened to be right there (yay!) but it was after hours and no one was around (awww). I called the rental car company and they basically said I was S.O.L. until the next day unless I could get the spare on the car. I faintly recalled my crappy car days from college and having to change a flat on occasion, so we put on our badass girlpants and put on the spare. *flexes* So that was good but all I could think about was how much it was going to cost since it was more than just a flat tire - I had actually bent the wheel. And of course I didn't purchase any insurance separately since my credit card covers collision, etc. when I'm traveling internationally but I had no idea if it would cover this. On a side note, I've been making more of an intentional effort in recent months to not stress/worry about things that are out of my control. I made a choice that evening that I wasn't going to worry about it, that it was what it was, and whatever it ended up costing, I would pay for it and deal. I wasn't in a situation where fixing it would have put me on the streets or forced me to fly back home or go without eating for a week, so why bother stressing about it? Just deal with it and move on. Fast forward to the next morning - Mel and I headed back to Motueka with our donut car and stopped by the Bridgestone Tyre Center to face the music. A tall, tattooed gentleman named Aaron came over right away and looked at the wheel and gave me the "Yikes" look. I got a little nauseous. Mel decided to egg him on a little and said something like, "You gonna use your muscles to hammer that thing out?" Hey, anything to motivate him at this point, you know. He said he'd see what he can do and we just kinda sat around for a while. Mel took the opportunity to practice her moonwalking "skills." Aaron walked back over about 20 minutes later and said, "You're good to go." ....... What? ....... Yeah. He not only "used his muscles" and hammered the wheel back into shape, but he put it back on the car, put the spare back in the trunk, and DIDN'T CHARGE US **ANYTHING**. Mel and I were in complete ecstatic shock. Aaron then said, "Merry Christmas. Enjoy this great country." You guys, I have goosebumps just typing this out right now. I gave him the biggest hug ever and told him he was my hero. From then on, whenever Mel and I have encountered something awesome, we'll use our newfound kiwi lingo as well as a little something special: "That beach was awesome." "Sweet as." "Choice." "Aaron." It's like we're giving him a little tribute everytime something amazing happens. My goal this week is to send him a postcard from Queenstown and let him know we got here because of him. It's those moments that remind you that there are plenty of good people on this earth. And, it inspires me even more to be one of them. Merry Christmas! Ladies and gents, I feel that there should be certain exceptions made for using the F bomb appropriately and this HAS to be one of them: I FUCKING HIKED THE TONGARIRO ALPINE CROSSING. Edit for the LOTR fans: I FUCKING HIKED THROUGH MORDOR. This may not mean much to you right now, but here are some statistics to give you a bit of an idea of what I went through: Total distance: 19.4 km (or 12 miles) Altitude: varying up to around 1900m (or 6200-6300 ft) Temperature: varying down to below freezing with wind chills Winds: up to gale force at the peaks I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting myself into. Remember the other day when I bragged about hiking Mt. Maunganui? Yeah, that was a gentle stroll over a speed bump compared to this. It all started just fine and dandy, pretty easy hike, and somehow I got the idea that it was going to be like this much of the way. Innocent enough, right? It was all well and good until I got to the first REAL climb. There was a sign posted before the ascent - clearly directed at me. "STOP. ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU'RE FIT ENOUGH TO HIKE THE TONGARIRO ALPINE CROSSING?" Seriously! That's what it said!! And holy cow, were the alarms ever going off in my head. "Am I fit enough?!? AM I?!?!?? Oh God. What if I die?? WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?!??! I'M GOING TO DIE IN MORDOR!!!" All of this must have been showing on my face, as well, because a man from Holland named Willam came up to me. "You okay?" "Ha! Yeah, just a little intimidated right now."* (* understatement of the year) "Are you doubting yourself?" "Yes. Yes I am." "You can do it. Come on." And that, friends, was exactly what I needed to hear. I climbed up not only that mountain, but three more excruciating ones that followed. It was the MOST physically challenging thing I've ever done in my life. And each time I climbed a mountain, I thought, ok this is it, this HAS to be the last one. It wasn't. HA! The climbs themselves were very challenging, but add on the bitter cold and wind gusts powerful enough to knock you on your ass at the higher elevations, it was incredibly taxing. Several times I would stop and look back at how far I'd come (as in the above photos). This was hugely motivating for me. This is something I don't do often enough in my everyday life. I tend to look at how much I still have left to do, how much fixing of myself I need to accomplish, instead of how much I've already changed and how far I've already come. I caught up with Willam later in the trek and he gave me a huge high five. At the end of the hike, I thanked him for his words of encouragement. They were honestly the difference between me doing that hike and giving up. The Emerald Lakes The Red Crater Mount Ngauruhoe (better known as Mt. Doom from LOTR) Me at the summit of one of the climbs. Photo credit: Willam from Holland So, it's been just over a month since I left my job and a little over a week since I've started traveling. It feels like it's been at least a year's worth of changes!
I've done a good bit of journaling since I got here, and I was spending some time reading back through my entries the other day and thought I'd share some of the struggles I've had since this whole "journey" has started. I think I want people to understand that there is a more "real" side that you don't see in the pictures I post on Facebook or Instagram. And, I know I've wholly benefitted from reading other bloggers, particularly females, who've struggled with certain issues, so maybe I can return the favor for someone else out there who might feel the same way I do. I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to other people. I think this is fairly common, especially among women, but it's not a quality I'm particularly proud of. I really noticed it recently while I was hiking up a volcano in Tauranga (Mount Maunganui for those interested). Those of you who know me personally know that I am not the poster child for fitness and sveltiness. So considering this was an all-uphill hike, I had my work cut out for me. I caught myself feeling ashamed for having to pause every few minutes to catch my breath. My legs were burning; my already-weak knees were aching. All I wanted to do was get to the top so I could be done with it and enjoy the views at the top. I kept thinking about people who were younger than me, more fit than me, had more hiking stamina than me, and the list goes on. How much BETTER than me they were. Thankfully, the more nurturing side of myself (which I am trying very hard to develop more every day) caught my mind in the act and intervened. This isn't a competition. You're doing the absolute best YOU can. You could have easily just stayed in your room. But, you didn't. Good for you. You can always turn back if you want to. It's okay if you do. Guess what, everyone else around you is thinking the same thing about themselves. Hear all that huffing and puffing around you? Yeah, turns out you're not the only one benefitting from the cardio. I have to understand - and those of you who are relating to this right now, YOU have to understand - that each of us has our own unique journey. Some of us struggle more than others to get there. But, I have to imagine that those of us who struggle more tend to appreciate the results a lot more than those who just breeze through. The point is, I got to the top. Sure, it might have taken me a little longer than I wanted to get there, but damn it, I got there. And when I got back down and walked to this beach and took off my shoes, it felt really f*cking amazing. |
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AuthorHi! I'm Charity. I'm from Omaha, Nebraska, USA. I quit my job in October 2016 to travel the world. Archives
June 2022
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